June is a significant month. Not only are my closest friends born in June, it is a month that says almost! not yet!. Mid year, the spring-summer transition…Almost the end of the school term! I love the anticipation.
June is a dark month. The pits of my stomach remind me that it will forever be a month of mourning. It threatens to be a full stop where it used to be a question mark, but not yet.
Below are some of what I’ve learned as I live with the experience of losing a father through the same disease that ravaged my body months after. I do sit here 2 years later with ‘healing’ so I’m grateful to be able to share these with you
Be True to your feelings
Like the psalmist in Psalm 42 & 43, we can admit what we currently feel when we are in the trenches, in the darkest valleys.
I’ve been overwhelmed, tired, began to understand the reason for suicide, I’ve felt abandoned, left to die. I’ve felt misunderstood and even targeted. We must be honest with ourselves and before our God.
Speak Truth to your feelings
I was reminded through some people that I need to abide in God’s words, to pray based on this. My mind needed to be fed and renewed by these truths. I remember that God has been there (Heb 4:15), has suffered and gone through the motions like I have.
“Do not be afraid” God says to us many times in the bible.
I also remember that God has done something about this at the Cross and Resurrection. We will not remain in this state for ever. Whatever difficulty we go through now is temporary.
This is the Gospel. We become part of God’s family forever because of what God has done.
If I can trust God for eternal life, I can trust God for today. God will see me through this present darkness.
June is a joyful month because I’m glad the story doesn’t end with just mourning. It is the month I completed cancer treatment, had my last shot of Herceptin to my thigh.
The anticipation of life beyond, the joy of the hope of a forever union. The joy of the hope of a forever healed body. All these are becoming tangible to me as I continue to dwell on the revealed words of God according to the bible.
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit